Well it's been awhile since I have blogged. Life has been absolutely crazy. I haven't had a time to just stop and be still. Those who know me know that I need time to just rest and be refreshed or I shut down and am out of control emotionally.
Its been a roller coaster since being home from the people I call my best friends and the place and people group i have deep in my heart.
There are days that I'm on the mountain top. Yet i have spent several days sitting at Rock bottom.
I've felt such a loneliness that hurts my heart. I feel so alone. I'm away from the people who know me best. I'm away from a place I love most.
Life has not slowed down since Africa. In fact it's just gone faster.
I'm overwhelmed and emotionally out of control. I'm in the desert season...my soul thirsts for God in a land where there is no water!!! I'm desperate, thirsty, and hungry.
To be honest I've been running away...I have been avoiding the now by constantly living in the past of Africa or looking forward to different trips I'd like to take or heck how I can get out of college earlier. I'm not living in the here and now.
I learned the other night that God hasn't stopped writing my story just cause I'm not in Africa anymore. He's been writing more, but I have been unwilling to turn the page. I'm in denial about turning the page. I'm stuck. I have been miserable the past month because I'm not living in the here and now. I'm not stepping out and I'm running away from what God has for me now. I think what could be better than Africa and my experiences there...but I know god has more in store, better things and new things to show and teach me. He wants to love me. Im not a burden to him. He wants to show me more of him. He wants me to surrender and let go. To just abide and rest. Submit.
Pray I quit wrestling and just submit.
Please pray alongside me. More of jesus less of me.
Jesus is enough.
I am beyond thankful for the phone calls, texts, emails and letters that I have received from people to simply invest in me, encourage me, check up on me and love on me where I'm at in this rough season of life.
Thanks for hearing me out.
