What Keeps Me Awake at Night

Do you want to know what keeps me awake at night while everyone else is snoozing the night away? Injustice. That is what keeps me awake at night...it makes me toss and turn and wish I could sleep it away, but I can not. My heart won't let me sleep...my heart is way to heavy. Today Invisible Children came to school today and the reality of Haiti, Swaziland, Uganda, and many other places was once again impressed upon my heart. I don't think you really get it...it hits my heart like a ton of bricks to where it's hard to even breathe. I watched the Kony video and had to hold myself from throwing up when I first watched it the other night. I try so hard to not think about all of this as much and live a 'normal' senior year. But, I can not do that. I am not normal. I am not living the 'senior year' everyone expects. I try...but it's not who I am created to be. It ends up being awkward for me trying to be what people expect me to be, especially senior year with college, etc. There is so much more to life than meets the eye! There is a hurting world in your own city...yet we are so concerned with ourselves that we don't see it!! I want to graciously help you to see! You see ,it is so much easier to look away and pretend that other people are involved....but guess what, that's apathy...its worse to see something and do nothing than to be against it all together. Let that sink in...

I'm here to tell you that I won't just sit on my couch...I literally can't even if I wanted to because the impression upon my heart, eyes, and ears is too deep for me to sit.
I can't sleep knowing that Jivens in Haiti may not have had a meal today and definitley didn't have clean water. I can't sleep knowing that there are 27 million slaves worldwide today including child labor and sex trade. I can't sleeping knowing that more than half of the world is living in poverty while I complain about my meal not being warm enough or exact. I can't sleep knowing that the HIV/AIDS orpahned children in Nsoko, Swaziland, whom I have yet to meet, are living day to day with no one to nurture and love them. Nsoko suffers from drought, poverty, AND the highest HIV/AIDS prevelance in the WORLD!!! I can't sleep!
I can't sleep due to the things I saw and heard and felt in Haiti, but also due to what I will hear and see and feel in Swaziland.

How is it that thousands upon thousands of people worldwide are suffering daily from preventable diseases? haha, this seriously makes absoultely no sence to me and it makes me sick! I have money that I would rather spend on a new pair of chacos and you know what?? I have 4 pair of chacos. For the price of one pair of chacos I can send a child to school for a whole year!! I want to put this on me so that I don't place the blame on anyone else. Let me tell you though, we have all played a part in human suffering and I began to realize it back in July of 2011 and since then I haven't been able to sleep. I'm currently exploring many options of my next step before I leave for Swaziland and even when I return...

I guess that's why this blog is called 'Journey to the unknown' so please bear with me as I hash out my heart with you guys as it is very difficult to articulate and not pretty at all...but I mean, what my heart breaks for is not pretty at all. Don't let the happy go lucky mission trips fool you. They are by no means easy or prancing through daisies. Same with the gospel...don't let pastors fool you...It's not easy to swallow. Jesus asks you and I in red letters if we are willing to drop everything to follow Him. If you ask me that's not an easy thing to read. He asks me to let go of everything else and hold on to Him. He says I cant serve two masters...it's impossible. He didn't come to please the rich or healthy. He came for the lost, diseased, sick, and outcasts of society. Mattew 25 states that Jesus is the diseased, outcast and poor. Check it our for yourself...Jesus says that whatever we do for the least of these we do to Him directly.

Oh Lord, help me see each person as if looking in your eyes. Help me to see each human beings as made fearfully and wonderfully in Your very image. I am no different from the Haitian, Swazi, American politician, Mega church preacher, sex slave, child slave, prostitute, or even murderer. Jesus it's difficult to know that each human on the face of the Earth is created by you with joy in your eyes-both the ones i can't stand and those i love with passion. Each created by you. Father break through in my own city, my own country. Let this generation rise up from selfishness, injustice, and apathy. I pray for breakthrough Lord in Swaziland, Haiti, Central Africa, America, South America, Middle East, Europe, India, China, Asia, the Pacific, Latin America, Canada. Father-wipe accross this universe with your UNFAILING LOVE. It does not make sence, but it is eternal and life giving and life altering. I pray for people to stand up. More disciple Lord, more laborers for the harvest is plentiful!! More true Jesus followers after your heart. More of you Lord less of me, les of us. Be magnified and exalted. Take what me and the rest of the world have meant for evil and use it for good like you promised!!! I PROCLAIM THAT YOU, LORD, ARE BIGGER THAN POVERTY, DISEASES, ORPHANED/ABANDONED CHILDREN, DROUGHT, FAMINE, WAR, SEX TRADE, and CHILD SLAVES. YOU ARE BIGGER!!! I believe in you!! He that is in me is greater than he who is in the world. I believe and trust that i have power of Holy Spirit dwelling within me that can change this world. Because of You I can do as You did and even greater..only because of You. It is YOU. Thank you for the priveledge of carrying your task for justice and love and peace, nourishment, and JESUS to Haiti and Swaziland and even Murfreesboro, Tn. May you increase. More of you Jesus. Make your disciples toss and turn for your people. Thank you Jesus for your LOVE. Act now Father. Please come swiftly.
Amen, Amen.