I am daily being renewed because His mercies are new everyday. I'm so thankful for the road He has allowed me to travel thus far and I'm excited to continue traveling it. Im thankful that God allows me to wrestle with things on my heart-To be honest He's showing me how prideful and judgmental I am, how most of the time I am quite the opposite of Philippians 2 which says to be humble and consider others first. Sure it's easy to do that in africa or Haiti but what about in daily life and in my family? It rarely is so...why?
I pray God would continue to refine me and make me lower so that He is made higher and greater!
I want to be like a servant in all aspects of life not just on mission trips...
Jesus rid me of myself!! In john15 he says I'm already clean yet he still prunes me-oh I pray to be so pruned and cut back so that I can grow more and be fruitful. Let my pride be pruned!!
I desire to be less. i desire more of jesus. I pray to be emptied yet overflowing with the flaming love of Jesus.
I get to go to Swaziland not to necessarily teach or change the world but to love and to learn from them!
So as God continues to prune me and prepare me pray that I be willing, patient and still.
Laura Beth harbin
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Being Stretched
This month has absolutely flown by!! I can't believe that I just graduated last Saturday! It seems like everything just happened in a blink of an eye. Last week was full of cleaning the house and getting ready for graduation celebrations, grad party hoppin, hugging tons of people...even strangers i've never met, smiling for long periods of time, staying awake longer than usual, and crying many tears. The Sunday after graduation I left for the beach with one of my best friends, Kelsey, I had an absolute blast with her and her family. It was a time to sort of wind down a bit from all the graduation madness..ha it was good madness though.
I'm so ready to be home though for a bit as I prepare more for Africa. Did you know that I leave for training camp in less than 30 days?!?!?! 28 more days! This blows my mind! It seems so surreal!
Anyway, I will go ahead and warn you that this will probably be quite a long post. There are a few things that I want to point out as well as update you on my life and where I'm at in preparing for Swaziland.
Graduation was a blast!! I can't believe I am done with high school...but oh it's a great feeling! However, it means i'm that much closer to heading to africa which i can't describe how excited, nervous, anxious, and everything else i am about leaving for a month! Oh my!! Speaking of Swaziland...
While i was at the beach this past week I found out that one of my teammates was down there the same time as i was so we decided to meet up which was so so so awesome and exciting to finally meet someone in person that i will be spending a month with!! I've talked with several of them, but it's that much more exciting to see them in person!
At the beach i learned quite a bit whether it was in the hot tub with an old man who i found out is a pastor in mississippi, two old women in the pool who later hung in our hammocks with us..haha so fun! or even from my friends mom and family! I have learned even from the currents of the ocean and the book "The Alchemist". Each of these are vessels that God chose to speak to me through.
Each of these people, places, and things have taught me to live life now and not later or yesterday. All in all, God has been teaching me over this year to sieze each moment and live it to the fullest. I know i have said this countless times and God continues to bring me back to that truth to forget what lies behind and press forward to whats ahead...not to be in whats ahead but to press on in the present. does that make sence??
When i look back on this year i totally see how God's hand has absolutely been in it and how He has been teaching me through extremely difficult circumstances. 2011-2012 has been a very challenging year both in my life and in my faith...I feel like i have been stretched out so much. It's been good, but boy it has been harder than heck.
I was reading today in psalm 71:20 and it seemed fit for this year. It says: You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.This year i have stared heartache and trouble in the face...in Haiti, with Noelle and Todd's death, the reality of Swaziland and more than half the world...
If i could give you a visual...it's as if i have been crawling up a mountain during a thunderstorm. On the way up the mountain i have began to get up, yet as soon as i get up i've been kicked back down. It's happened over and over again this year and I'm bruised up and hurt. I've missed out on this year because I have been stuck in the past of everything that has happened. I've been paralyzed by so much pain whether it's been death or the shocking reality of places like Haiti and Swaziland. This things affect me so much. I believe that they will work out for good.. I know because Jesus has promised that. I believe that he is reviving me again and is bringing me back up. I believe that he is washing my feet like in John 12 where jesus tells peter that he's already clean and all he needs to wash are his feet. To me, i get this picture of peter's feet...or my feet being dirty and bruised from walking into new places that my feet aren't used to. Jesus is beckoning me to sit down and let Him bandage my wounds and wash my feet. I'm already clean because of Him but He's continuing to teach me and grow me and ultimately take me deeper with Him...it's time to stop resisting and let Jesus wash my feet. He so loves me and desires for me to allow Him to bandage my wounds and use them for His good and His glory. I know He is using all of this for something great! I believe that He is so good and so loves me and I will continue to forget whats behind and press on in the present...I will seek His face.Remember not the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19
He is doing a new thing at this very moment. His mercies are new every morning. I'm so so so thankful for the grace love and comfort that He has shown me throughout this year through all the difficulties and things that i have encountered and seen.
Thank you all to those who have sent me your love through prayers, support, love, hugs, etc. It is extremely appreciated!!!
Please, please continue to pray with me as time continues to tick away and Swaziland is just around the corner!!!!
Thanks for listening to me!
Laura Beth Harbin
P.S
I forgot to mention that all the money has been raised!! Praise God!!!! :)
I'm so ready to be home though for a bit as I prepare more for Africa. Did you know that I leave for training camp in less than 30 days?!?!?! 28 more days! This blows my mind! It seems so surreal!
Anyway, I will go ahead and warn you that this will probably be quite a long post. There are a few things that I want to point out as well as update you on my life and where I'm at in preparing for Swaziland.
Graduation was a blast!! I can't believe I am done with high school...but oh it's a great feeling! However, it means i'm that much closer to heading to africa which i can't describe how excited, nervous, anxious, and everything else i am about leaving for a month! Oh my!! Speaking of Swaziland...
While i was at the beach this past week I found out that one of my teammates was down there the same time as i was so we decided to meet up which was so so so awesome and exciting to finally meet someone in person that i will be spending a month with!! I've talked with several of them, but it's that much more exciting to see them in person!
At the beach i learned quite a bit whether it was in the hot tub with an old man who i found out is a pastor in mississippi, two old women in the pool who later hung in our hammocks with us..haha so fun! or even from my friends mom and family! I have learned even from the currents of the ocean and the book "The Alchemist". Each of these are vessels that God chose to speak to me through.
Each of these people, places, and things have taught me to live life now and not later or yesterday. All in all, God has been teaching me over this year to sieze each moment and live it to the fullest. I know i have said this countless times and God continues to bring me back to that truth to forget what lies behind and press forward to whats ahead...not to be in whats ahead but to press on in the present. does that make sence??
When i look back on this year i totally see how God's hand has absolutely been in it and how He has been teaching me through extremely difficult circumstances. 2011-2012 has been a very challenging year both in my life and in my faith...I feel like i have been stretched out so much. It's been good, but boy it has been harder than heck.
I was reading today in psalm 71:20 and it seemed fit for this year. It says: You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.This year i have stared heartache and trouble in the face...in Haiti, with Noelle and Todd's death, the reality of Swaziland and more than half the world...
If i could give you a visual...it's as if i have been crawling up a mountain during a thunderstorm. On the way up the mountain i have began to get up, yet as soon as i get up i've been kicked back down. It's happened over and over again this year and I'm bruised up and hurt. I've missed out on this year because I have been stuck in the past of everything that has happened. I've been paralyzed by so much pain whether it's been death or the shocking reality of places like Haiti and Swaziland. This things affect me so much. I believe that they will work out for good.. I know because Jesus has promised that. I believe that he is reviving me again and is bringing me back up. I believe that he is washing my feet like in John 12 where jesus tells peter that he's already clean and all he needs to wash are his feet. To me, i get this picture of peter's feet...or my feet being dirty and bruised from walking into new places that my feet aren't used to. Jesus is beckoning me to sit down and let Him bandage my wounds and wash my feet. I'm already clean because of Him but He's continuing to teach me and grow me and ultimately take me deeper with Him...it's time to stop resisting and let Jesus wash my feet. He so loves me and desires for me to allow Him to bandage my wounds and use them for His good and His glory. I know He is using all of this for something great! I believe that He is so good and so loves me and I will continue to forget whats behind and press on in the present...I will seek His face.Remember not the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19
He is doing a new thing at this very moment. His mercies are new every morning. I'm so so so thankful for the grace love and comfort that He has shown me throughout this year through all the difficulties and things that i have encountered and seen.
Thank you all to those who have sent me your love through prayers, support, love, hugs, etc. It is extremely appreciated!!!
Please, please continue to pray with me as time continues to tick away and Swaziland is just around the corner!!!!
Thanks for listening to me!
Laura Beth Harbin
P.S
I forgot to mention that all the money has been raised!! Praise God!!!! :)
Friday, May 4, 2012
No Control.
I want to continue being honest here on my blog. There's no reason for me to be fake and pretend that everything is all good when in reality it is not right now. I don't exactly know how to put it into words besides I'm at a loss of control and I almost feel like a train that has been broken and wont stop. You know what i mean...kind of like in spiderman where the train was broken and it wouldn't stop going and it was out of control so spiderman had to stop it??
Okay...so that is what I feel like...an out of control train that won't stop.
Sure, it seems like a good thing not to be in control and I know that it's exactly where God wants me to be. However, that doesn't mean i have to like it ha. It stinks...
Everything seems to just be spinning out of control around me and its so overwhelming. It's all happening at once and so fast. I have 4 school days left of high school, an ap exam to take, more fundraising for africa, college orientation, off to africa in just 49 more days and then to college right after!!!
On top of all of that I'm still dealing with death and preparing to say good bye to some of my friends that maybe i wont be as close to ever again. It's such a scary thing. I wish i spent more time with people my age throughout high school. I was always friends with those older than me and I love them to death...but they've already moved onto new chapters too. So i simply wish i balanced my time and relationships a whole lot better.
See, that's my problem. I'm not living in RIGHT NOW. I'm living in the past years of high school and the future of africa and college. I have missed so much that's going on right now. However, i cant change a thing so i wont dwell on it because dwelling on regrets only puts me in a pity pit and that's not necessairly healthy either. I simply proclaim that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a new day. I proclaim that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and have traveled the road i am suppoosed to travel up to this point thus far. I believe that God will continue to guide and teach me throughout this journey called Life.I so need to just rest in the presence of Jesus and allow Him to revive me and love me through the hard and out of control times that I'm currently experiencing. I desperately need to slow down and allow Him to hold me and calm me. The best place for me to be right now is on my knees kneeling before the throne of Grace.
For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” 2 chronicles 20:12I feel powerless over all the circumstances and changes all around and I don't know exactly how to handle it or what to do with. All i can do is simply gaze into the eyes of Jesus and live in this very moment.
Please pray with me as life is changing so fast. I know it's all for good. I praise God for this valley because I know that it is refining my faith and making me more like Him. I praise God for allowing me to experience death at a young age as it puts things into perspective and allows me to grow that much more. I praise God that He is in control and not me. I trust Him. I look to Him.
Thanks for listening.
Okay...so that is what I feel like...an out of control train that won't stop.
Sure, it seems like a good thing not to be in control and I know that it's exactly where God wants me to be. However, that doesn't mean i have to like it ha. It stinks...
Everything seems to just be spinning out of control around me and its so overwhelming. It's all happening at once and so fast. I have 4 school days left of high school, an ap exam to take, more fundraising for africa, college orientation, off to africa in just 49 more days and then to college right after!!!
On top of all of that I'm still dealing with death and preparing to say good bye to some of my friends that maybe i wont be as close to ever again. It's such a scary thing. I wish i spent more time with people my age throughout high school. I was always friends with those older than me and I love them to death...but they've already moved onto new chapters too. So i simply wish i balanced my time and relationships a whole lot better.
See, that's my problem. I'm not living in RIGHT NOW. I'm living in the past years of high school and the future of africa and college. I have missed so much that's going on right now. However, i cant change a thing so i wont dwell on it because dwelling on regrets only puts me in a pity pit and that's not necessairly healthy either. I simply proclaim that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a new day. I proclaim that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and have traveled the road i am suppoosed to travel up to this point thus far. I believe that God will continue to guide and teach me throughout this journey called Life.I so need to just rest in the presence of Jesus and allow Him to revive me and love me through the hard and out of control times that I'm currently experiencing. I desperately need to slow down and allow Him to hold me and calm me. The best place for me to be right now is on my knees kneeling before the throne of Grace.
For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” 2 chronicles 20:12I feel powerless over all the circumstances and changes all around and I don't know exactly how to handle it or what to do with. All i can do is simply gaze into the eyes of Jesus and live in this very moment.
Please pray with me as life is changing so fast. I know it's all for good. I praise God for this valley because I know that it is refining my faith and making me more like Him. I praise God for allowing me to experience death at a young age as it puts things into perspective and allows me to grow that much more. I praise God that He is in control and not me. I trust Him. I look to Him.
Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Life is moving extra Fast
Life is moving extremely fast right now only 18 days until I graduate and I think it's 52 day's until AFRICA!! Isn't that crazy.
Okay, now i'm going to express some of my hurts and pains with you. This isn't for you to be like "aww poor Laura Beth"...i just really need to express this for my own good.
If you don't know....this school year has been bitter sweet. I've experienced two friends deaths in the past 6 months. That's not something an 18 year old should go through there senior year. These two friends of mine didn't even get to graduate or experience the excitements and events of senior year.
My friend Noelle died in a car accident on October 27, 2011. And Todd died by drowning at a lake just this past Sunday, April 29, 2012.
Noelle I knew from middle and high school and Todd I grew up in church with and played frisbee with every sunday.
I don't know how to express how terrible it feels to look at someone you know lying in a casket lifeless. There's no way to wrap my head around it or how to express it.
More than that...I'm going to a country where death is daily and to no surprise due to AIDS. What's God trying to tell me is all I'm wondering...maybe im thinking too hard? Who knows..two of my friends died so what do i do now? I'm at a loss for words.
My heart hurts and cringes as my mind continues to replay the two different scenes of both Noelle and Todd's deaths...the first phone calls, where i was, what i was doing, how i reacted and the days to follow.
The Lord is near to the broken hearted. My hope is in the Lord as difficult as it is...
I can't help but to curl up in a ball and just weep before God both in anger, confusion, and sorrow. I know with all my heart that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called accroding to His purpose.
JESUS I CRY OUT TO YOU!!! I cry out in my joy and in my pain...Oh how i need Him every hour!! I need Him as i move on to new chapters in life both with graduating high school, going to Swaziland and then to college and wherever else I'm taken to.
I pray for more of Jesus and less of me.
I'm clinging to Jesus with all I am...
Love yall
Laura Beth Harbin
Okay, now i'm going to express some of my hurts and pains with you. This isn't for you to be like "aww poor Laura Beth"...i just really need to express this for my own good.
If you don't know....this school year has been bitter sweet. I've experienced two friends deaths in the past 6 months. That's not something an 18 year old should go through there senior year. These two friends of mine didn't even get to graduate or experience the excitements and events of senior year.
My friend Noelle died in a car accident on October 27, 2011. And Todd died by drowning at a lake just this past Sunday, April 29, 2012.
Noelle I knew from middle and high school and Todd I grew up in church with and played frisbee with every sunday.
I don't know how to express how terrible it feels to look at someone you know lying in a casket lifeless. There's no way to wrap my head around it or how to express it.
More than that...I'm going to a country where death is daily and to no surprise due to AIDS. What's God trying to tell me is all I'm wondering...maybe im thinking too hard? Who knows..two of my friends died so what do i do now? I'm at a loss for words.
My heart hurts and cringes as my mind continues to replay the two different scenes of both Noelle and Todd's deaths...the first phone calls, where i was, what i was doing, how i reacted and the days to follow.
The Lord is near to the broken hearted. My hope is in the Lord as difficult as it is...
I can't help but to curl up in a ball and just weep before God both in anger, confusion, and sorrow. I know with all my heart that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called accroding to His purpose.
JESUS I CRY OUT TO YOU!!! I cry out in my joy and in my pain...Oh how i need Him every hour!! I need Him as i move on to new chapters in life both with graduating high school, going to Swaziland and then to college and wherever else I'm taken to.
I pray for more of Jesus and less of me.
I'm clinging to Jesus with all I am...
Love yall
Laura Beth Harbin
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