Life is moving extra Fast

Life is moving extremely fast right now only 18 days until I graduate and I think it's 52 day's until AFRICA!! Isn't that crazy.
Okay, now i'm going to express some of my hurts and pains with you. This isn't for you to be like "aww poor Laura Beth"...i just really need to express this for my own good.
If you don't know....this school year has been bitter sweet. I've experienced two friends deaths in the past 6 months. That's not something an 18 year old should go through there senior year. These two friends of mine didn't even get to graduate or experience the excitements and events of senior year.
My friend Noelle died in a car accident on October 27, 2011. And Todd died by drowning at a lake just this past Sunday, April 29, 2012.
Noelle I knew from middle and high school and Todd I grew up in church with and played frisbee with every sunday.
I don't know how to express how terrible it feels to look at someone you know lying in a casket lifeless. There's no way to wrap my head around it or how to express it.

More than that...I'm going to a country where death is daily and to no surprise due to AIDS. What's God trying to tell me is all I'm wondering...maybe im thinking too hard? Who knows..two of my friends died so what do i do now? I'm at a loss for words.
My heart hurts and cringes as my mind continues to replay the two different scenes of both Noelle and Todd's deaths...the first phone calls, where i was, what i was doing, how i reacted and the days to follow.

The Lord is near to the broken hearted. My hope is in the Lord as difficult as it is...
I can't help but to curl up in a ball and just weep before God both in anger, confusion, and sorrow. I know with all my heart that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called accroding to His purpose.
JESUS I CRY OUT TO YOU!!! I cry out in my joy and in my pain...Oh how i need Him every hour!! I need Him as i move on to new chapters in life both with graduating high school, going to Swaziland and then to college and wherever else I'm taken to.

I pray for more of Jesus and less of me.
I'm clinging to Jesus with all I am...

Love yall
Laura Beth Harbin