No Control.

I want to continue being honest here on my blog. There's no reason for me to be fake and pretend that everything is all good when in reality it is not right now. I don't exactly know how to put it into words besides I'm at a loss of control and I almost feel like a train that has been broken and wont stop. You know what i mean...kind of like in spiderman where the train was broken and it wouldn't stop going and it was out of control so spiderman had to stop it??
Okay...so that is what I feel like...an out of control train that won't stop.
Sure, it seems like a good thing not to be in control and I know that it's exactly where God wants me to be. However, that doesn't mean i have to like it ha. It stinks...
Everything seems to just be spinning out of control around me and its so overwhelming. It's all happening at once and so fast. I have 4 school days left of high school, an ap exam to take, more fundraising for africa, college orientation, off to africa in just 49 more days and then to college right after!!!

On top of all of that I'm still dealing with death and preparing to say good bye to some of my friends that maybe i wont be as close to ever again. It's such a scary thing. I wish i spent more time with people my age throughout high school. I was always friends with those older than me and I love them to death...but they've already moved onto new chapters too. So i simply wish i balanced my time and relationships a whole lot better.

See, that's my problem. I'm not living in RIGHT NOW. I'm living in the past years of high school and the future of africa and college. I have missed so much that's going on right now.  However, i cant change a thing so i wont dwell on it because dwelling on regrets only puts me in a pity pit and that's not necessairly healthy either. I simply proclaim that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a new day. I proclaim that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and have traveled the road i am suppoosed to travel up to this point thus far. I believe that God will continue to guide and teach me throughout this journey called Life.I so need to just rest in the presence of Jesus and allow Him to revive me and love me through the hard and out of control times that I'm currently experiencing. I desperately need to slow down and allow Him to hold me and calm me. The best place for me to be right now is on my knees kneeling before the throne of Grace.

 For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” 2 chronicles 20:12I feel powerless over all the circumstances and changes all around and I don't know exactly how to handle it or what to do with. All i can do is simply gaze into the eyes of Jesus and live in this very moment.

Please pray with me as life is changing so fast. I know it's all for good. I praise God for this valley because I know that it is refining my faith and making me more like Him. I praise God for allowing me to experience death at a young age as it puts things into perspective and allows me to grow that much more. I praise God that He is in control and not me. I trust Him. I look to Him.

Thanks for listening.