Can you believe it??? I leave in just 12 days!! It seems so bizzare.
I know that I have probably told you this a million times, but just to reitterate, this blog is meant to be raw and honest. I never want to sugar coat whats going on. Its totally okay to feel any way whether its immense anger, deep sorrow, outrageous joy, are anything in between.
Today I felt a mixture of all of these, even the in betweens. To be honest I'm still wrestiling with it which is why I'm blogging. It's my way of taking the things within and getting them out.
Some know about my trip to Haiti last year and others don't....
To give a brief overview....I have always had a desire for 3rd world missions. There have been certain instances in my life where that desire was made clearer. however, when i went to Haiti last year it became more than clear that this was my desire, but that its my life and my very being. I remember always praying "Lord break my heart for what breaks yours." He's always faithful....He is breaking my heart for what breaks His....
My heart is BREAKING!!!!
I expereinced several emotions since being home from Haiti and preparing for Africa. In fact as I prepare for Africa I am brought back to the things God taught me through the eyes of the Haitians.
One of those Haitians that God taught me through was a little boy named Jivens. Those who know me most have heard me talk about him and if they havent heard me talk to them well then i was obviously jacked up on coffee or down right tired.
Anyway, so here we are one year later and the youth group went back to the same village in Haiti. Thats where Jivens is at this very moment...Guitton, Haiti.
It absolutely tore me to pieces knowing that I couldn't go to Haiti this year. I miss Jivens voice and the way he looked with his eyes. I miss his mannerisms and how he was always shy except when I was around. Just typing this makes me miss him so much.
Anyway, my friend who went to Haiti made a video of him and I can not help but replay it over and over and over and over again. I just want to keep hearing his voice. Each time i play it i wish i was back in haiti more than anything to hug his sweet neck.
But I'm here.
Through this year and through missing Jivens so much God has shown me that Murfreesboro and the people in front of me are just as in need as Jivens in Haiti. The people I drive past, walk past, and see out of the corner of my eye are each as valuable as Jivens.
The deep compassion I have for Jivens should be for each person I see. Compassion and Love should never be conditional. But rather, unconditional.
I want to love each person the same that i have immensely loved Jivens. To do so Jesus has to become greater in me. and for that I simply need be still before Him and rest in His love...
okay I'm about to go on a rant...speaking of resting in his love.
People have asked how i've prepared for africa and if im prepared. I believe there is no 6 step process to preparing for a 3rd world country...there's is NO way!!! No matter what each person's experience is going to be something that only them and God truly know because it is such a deep work in the heart that can not be explained.
So the way i answer is simple...Yes I'm as prepared as i can be. I believe in Jesus who lives in me. Because Jesus lives in me I simply rest in His love and allow Him to do His thing. I have Jesus and he has me...what more do i need to do to prepare?? haha
It's only Jesus. It's only jesus. It's only JESUS!!!!!!
Another thing...Jesus has shown me that it's so easy to put the needs of people or countries above Him. It's easy for me to put Jivens above God. I don't want to do that. I want to Love Jesus more because when i love jesus more then i can love jivens and the people i will meet in swazi that much more!
A fear of mine is that I will place expectations from my experience in Haiti onto my trip to Swaziland. I do not want to do that at all. I want Haiti to be a past memory that has a place in my heart and has changed me but doesnt hinder me! I want to be completely present in Swaziland.
I simply pray for more of jesus and less of me. I can do nothing of my own. I can not stop fearing and stop being upset, i can not stop puttin jivens as an idol above God. I can't do it at all. It's christ in me!!! Christ IN me!! I need simply abide in Him. To cling to Jesus and rest in His love and grace as he becomes more and i become less. And as He begins to be above all else and be my reason for going and living and breathing. As i rest in His love, His love will cast out any fear and any ungodly motivation or action upon an emotion. ONLY JESUS!!!
I feel like I'm done writing for now and I have no idea what I have written until i read back over it later. All i know is that I have written was has come to mind and what the Lord is so graciously speaking to me.
"Oh daughter, I'm all you need. Let me be your everything. When you let go, you gain more because you gain me. Let go and allow me to become more in you so that you can love my people as I have loved you, touch my people as i have touched you. Just abide in me, cling to me, rest in me my beloved princess in whom i delight in. You are doing well just as you are. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. I am doing a work in you that is for the world to see so that they see me. Hold fast to me. Trust me. Only I can satisy and comfort and heal. So let me do that, you must drop your nets to come follow me. You can't take them with you. Leave the old and come to newness. Come to me my child. Let me love you and teach you. Stare into each person's eyes and see me-they hunger and thirst for life that only I can offer. You can offer that because of me in you. Trust me. Cling to me. Abide.
Let me love you more so that you can love me more to love my people as I have loved you."
This is what Jesus just spoke to me.
Love,
Laura Beth Harbin
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Update on Some Details
19 More days!!!! I can't wait until the single digits!!!!
Anywho, I thought it best to give yall an update on the trip! I now know that I will be at training camp from june 22-25 in Gainsville, Gerorgia and fly out from atlanta on the 25th. I'm very glad to have a 3 day training camp so that my teammates and i can ease into Africa rather than just being thrown into an unkown country. haha
So i fly out the 25th at 7:30 pm and will arrive in johannesburg, south africa on june 26th around 630 pm. from there we will drive to swaziland which is about a 4 hour drive.
We will be staying in two different places. Manzini and Nsoko(they are about one hour apart). Both have beds, one has toilets and showers and the other has a bucket and pit toilets ha.
We will be doing a variety of relational ministry such as visiting families, loving on children, serving at care points, etc.
I am so so thrilled for the opprotunity ahead that I get to partake in for a month.
Please continue to pray fo myself and my teammates as we prepare and are experiencing several emotions leading up to Swaziland!!.
Here are there names so that you can specifically pray for each of them.
Jamie, Ally, Emily, Samantha, Jess, Katherine, Kayla, Riley, Courtney, Ami, Millie, and Anna. Also there are three other people(2 girls and 1 boy) that are on the team that we don't know yet. Pray for them as well.
Also, these are out team leaders names. Pray also for them as they lead us: Katie, Ryan, and Krista.
Thanks so much for all of the prayers and encouragement!! God is teaching me so much recently and is renewing, refining, and showing me more and more grace every day.
I've enjoyed conversations with people about preparing, both with my teammates, family, and best friend. It's been cool to see them give insight from the outside looking in and I've gotten so much out of it!
Keep the prayers comin'
Love,
LB
Anywho, I thought it best to give yall an update on the trip! I now know that I will be at training camp from june 22-25 in Gainsville, Gerorgia and fly out from atlanta on the 25th. I'm very glad to have a 3 day training camp so that my teammates and i can ease into Africa rather than just being thrown into an unkown country. haha
So i fly out the 25th at 7:30 pm and will arrive in johannesburg, south africa on june 26th around 630 pm. from there we will drive to swaziland which is about a 4 hour drive.
We will be staying in two different places. Manzini and Nsoko(they are about one hour apart). Both have beds, one has toilets and showers and the other has a bucket and pit toilets ha.
We will be doing a variety of relational ministry such as visiting families, loving on children, serving at care points, etc.
I am so so thrilled for the opprotunity ahead that I get to partake in for a month.
Please continue to pray fo myself and my teammates as we prepare and are experiencing several emotions leading up to Swaziland!!.
Here are there names so that you can specifically pray for each of them.
Jamie, Ally, Emily, Samantha, Jess, Katherine, Kayla, Riley, Courtney, Ami, Millie, and Anna. Also there are three other people(2 girls and 1 boy) that are on the team that we don't know yet. Pray for them as well.
Also, these are out team leaders names. Pray also for them as they lead us: Katie, Ryan, and Krista.
Thanks so much for all of the prayers and encouragement!! God is teaching me so much recently and is renewing, refining, and showing me more and more grace every day.
I've enjoyed conversations with people about preparing, both with my teammates, family, and best friend. It's been cool to see them give insight from the outside looking in and I've gotten so much out of it!
Keep the prayers comin'
Love,
LB
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Jesus kept me awake at 3am to love me.
Hey so it's about 230 am here and I haven't been able to sleep. Actually the past month I have been waking up during the night. I can't help but think that it's because jesus wants to speak to me. Tonight he has been tellin me that his love is like floating in an ocean. Its so big and I can be immersed in it.its so strong yet so gentle. His love is big for me and it has never failed. It never will fail. It never ends.
Its deeper than anyone even knows. Once i step into his love its uncomfortable because its new and different. I think i should step out but its not the same anymore so i step back in. As i get more comfortable there with my toes wet then i can go deeper to my ankles and so on and si forth. His love is deeper still. Once i think ive had it all he takes me deeper into his love.
His love isn't dependent on what I do or don't do or who I am or who Susie jane is. His love is big just for me. I can obtain this love. I can take that and own it and have it and overflow in it. I desire that. I hunger and thirst for that. Oh his love is just washing over me so deeply. Its washing away the dirt from the hard journey. It washes away all my fears. It renews me and refreshes me. His love is abundant and nothing less. His love is enough always. When I'm broken sad angry happy-his love is enough. The diseased orphans widows hungry homeless raped broken -his love is still enough and deep enough to cover them. His love covers me.
I want to jump into that love-ha do a cannon ball in it and as I'm in the water bout to come up know that his love will never go away and even when I'm numb to it that it's still all around me to drink in and soak in!!
His love will never ever dry up. He rejoices in me-delights in me, loves me.
Grace is all around me. I'm a daughter of a king. What's his is mine. Jesus is mine. I press into him. More jesus and less of me.
Laura Beth Harbin
Its deeper than anyone even knows. Once i step into his love its uncomfortable because its new and different. I think i should step out but its not the same anymore so i step back in. As i get more comfortable there with my toes wet then i can go deeper to my ankles and so on and si forth. His love is deeper still. Once i think ive had it all he takes me deeper into his love.
His love isn't dependent on what I do or don't do or who I am or who Susie jane is. His love is big just for me. I can obtain this love. I can take that and own it and have it and overflow in it. I desire that. I hunger and thirst for that. Oh his love is just washing over me so deeply. Its washing away the dirt from the hard journey. It washes away all my fears. It renews me and refreshes me. His love is abundant and nothing less. His love is enough always. When I'm broken sad angry happy-his love is enough. The diseased orphans widows hungry homeless raped broken -his love is still enough and deep enough to cover them. His love covers me.
I want to jump into that love-ha do a cannon ball in it and as I'm in the water bout to come up know that his love will never go away and even when I'm numb to it that it's still all around me to drink in and soak in!!
His love will never ever dry up. He rejoices in me-delights in me, loves me.
Grace is all around me. I'm a daughter of a king. What's his is mine. Jesus is mine. I press into him. More jesus and less of me.
Laura Beth Harbin
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Prunin' pride
I am daily being renewed because His mercies are new everyday. I'm so thankful for the road He has allowed me to travel thus far and I'm excited to continue traveling it. Im thankful that God allows me to wrestle with things on my heart-To be honest He's showing me how prideful and judgmental I am, how most of the time I am quite the opposite of Philippians 2 which says to be humble and consider others first. Sure it's easy to do that in africa or Haiti but what about in daily life and in my family? It rarely is so...why?
I pray God would continue to refine me and make me lower so that He is made higher and greater!
I want to be like a servant in all aspects of life not just on mission trips...
Jesus rid me of myself!! In john15 he says I'm already clean yet he still prunes me-oh I pray to be so pruned and cut back so that I can grow more and be fruitful. Let my pride be pruned!!
I desire to be less. i desire more of jesus. I pray to be emptied yet overflowing with the flaming love of Jesus.
I get to go to Swaziland not to necessarily teach or change the world but to love and to learn from them!
So as God continues to prune me and prepare me pray that I be willing, patient and still.
Laura Beth harbin
I pray God would continue to refine me and make me lower so that He is made higher and greater!
I want to be like a servant in all aspects of life not just on mission trips...
Jesus rid me of myself!! In john15 he says I'm already clean yet he still prunes me-oh I pray to be so pruned and cut back so that I can grow more and be fruitful. Let my pride be pruned!!
I desire to be less. i desire more of jesus. I pray to be emptied yet overflowing with the flaming love of Jesus.
I get to go to Swaziland not to necessarily teach or change the world but to love and to learn from them!
So as God continues to prune me and prepare me pray that I be willing, patient and still.
Laura Beth harbin
Friday, May 25, 2012
Being Stretched
This month has absolutely flown by!! I can't believe that I just graduated last Saturday! It seems like everything just happened in a blink of an eye. Last week was full of cleaning the house and getting ready for graduation celebrations, grad party hoppin, hugging tons of people...even strangers i've never met, smiling for long periods of time, staying awake longer than usual, and crying many tears. The Sunday after graduation I left for the beach with one of my best friends, Kelsey, I had an absolute blast with her and her family. It was a time to sort of wind down a bit from all the graduation madness..ha it was good madness though.
I'm so ready to be home though for a bit as I prepare more for Africa. Did you know that I leave for training camp in less than 30 days?!?!?! 28 more days! This blows my mind! It seems so surreal!
Anyway, I will go ahead and warn you that this will probably be quite a long post. There are a few things that I want to point out as well as update you on my life and where I'm at in preparing for Swaziland.
Graduation was a blast!! I can't believe I am done with high school...but oh it's a great feeling! However, it means i'm that much closer to heading to africa which i can't describe how excited, nervous, anxious, and everything else i am about leaving for a month! Oh my!! Speaking of Swaziland...
While i was at the beach this past week I found out that one of my teammates was down there the same time as i was so we decided to meet up which was so so so awesome and exciting to finally meet someone in person that i will be spending a month with!! I've talked with several of them, but it's that much more exciting to see them in person!
At the beach i learned quite a bit whether it was in the hot tub with an old man who i found out is a pastor in mississippi, two old women in the pool who later hung in our hammocks with us..haha so fun! or even from my friends mom and family! I have learned even from the currents of the ocean and the book "The Alchemist". Each of these are vessels that God chose to speak to me through.
Each of these people, places, and things have taught me to live life now and not later or yesterday. All in all, God has been teaching me over this year to sieze each moment and live it to the fullest. I know i have said this countless times and God continues to bring me back to that truth to forget what lies behind and press forward to whats ahead...not to be in whats ahead but to press on in the present. does that make sence??
When i look back on this year i totally see how God's hand has absolutely been in it and how He has been teaching me through extremely difficult circumstances. 2011-2012 has been a very challenging year both in my life and in my faith...I feel like i have been stretched out so much. It's been good, but boy it has been harder than heck.
I was reading today in psalm 71:20 and it seemed fit for this year. It says: You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.This year i have stared heartache and trouble in the face...in Haiti, with Noelle and Todd's death, the reality of Swaziland and more than half the world...
If i could give you a visual...it's as if i have been crawling up a mountain during a thunderstorm. On the way up the mountain i have began to get up, yet as soon as i get up i've been kicked back down. It's happened over and over again this year and I'm bruised up and hurt. I've missed out on this year because I have been stuck in the past of everything that has happened. I've been paralyzed by so much pain whether it's been death or the shocking reality of places like Haiti and Swaziland. This things affect me so much. I believe that they will work out for good.. I know because Jesus has promised that. I believe that he is reviving me again and is bringing me back up. I believe that he is washing my feet like in John 12 where jesus tells peter that he's already clean and all he needs to wash are his feet. To me, i get this picture of peter's feet...or my feet being dirty and bruised from walking into new places that my feet aren't used to. Jesus is beckoning me to sit down and let Him bandage my wounds and wash my feet. I'm already clean because of Him but He's continuing to teach me and grow me and ultimately take me deeper with Him...it's time to stop resisting and let Jesus wash my feet. He so loves me and desires for me to allow Him to bandage my wounds and use them for His good and His glory. I know He is using all of this for something great! I believe that He is so good and so loves me and I will continue to forget whats behind and press on in the present...I will seek His face.Remember not the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19
He is doing a new thing at this very moment. His mercies are new every morning. I'm so so so thankful for the grace love and comfort that He has shown me throughout this year through all the difficulties and things that i have encountered and seen.
Thank you all to those who have sent me your love through prayers, support, love, hugs, etc. It is extremely appreciated!!!
Please, please continue to pray with me as time continues to tick away and Swaziland is just around the corner!!!!
Thanks for listening to me!
Laura Beth Harbin
P.S
I forgot to mention that all the money has been raised!! Praise God!!!! :)
I'm so ready to be home though for a bit as I prepare more for Africa. Did you know that I leave for training camp in less than 30 days?!?!?! 28 more days! This blows my mind! It seems so surreal!
Anyway, I will go ahead and warn you that this will probably be quite a long post. There are a few things that I want to point out as well as update you on my life and where I'm at in preparing for Swaziland.
Graduation was a blast!! I can't believe I am done with high school...but oh it's a great feeling! However, it means i'm that much closer to heading to africa which i can't describe how excited, nervous, anxious, and everything else i am about leaving for a month! Oh my!! Speaking of Swaziland...
While i was at the beach this past week I found out that one of my teammates was down there the same time as i was so we decided to meet up which was so so so awesome and exciting to finally meet someone in person that i will be spending a month with!! I've talked with several of them, but it's that much more exciting to see them in person!
At the beach i learned quite a bit whether it was in the hot tub with an old man who i found out is a pastor in mississippi, two old women in the pool who later hung in our hammocks with us..haha so fun! or even from my friends mom and family! I have learned even from the currents of the ocean and the book "The Alchemist". Each of these are vessels that God chose to speak to me through.
Each of these people, places, and things have taught me to live life now and not later or yesterday. All in all, God has been teaching me over this year to sieze each moment and live it to the fullest. I know i have said this countless times and God continues to bring me back to that truth to forget what lies behind and press forward to whats ahead...not to be in whats ahead but to press on in the present. does that make sence??
When i look back on this year i totally see how God's hand has absolutely been in it and how He has been teaching me through extremely difficult circumstances. 2011-2012 has been a very challenging year both in my life and in my faith...I feel like i have been stretched out so much. It's been good, but boy it has been harder than heck.
I was reading today in psalm 71:20 and it seemed fit for this year. It says: You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.This year i have stared heartache and trouble in the face...in Haiti, with Noelle and Todd's death, the reality of Swaziland and more than half the world...
If i could give you a visual...it's as if i have been crawling up a mountain during a thunderstorm. On the way up the mountain i have began to get up, yet as soon as i get up i've been kicked back down. It's happened over and over again this year and I'm bruised up and hurt. I've missed out on this year because I have been stuck in the past of everything that has happened. I've been paralyzed by so much pain whether it's been death or the shocking reality of places like Haiti and Swaziland. This things affect me so much. I believe that they will work out for good.. I know because Jesus has promised that. I believe that he is reviving me again and is bringing me back up. I believe that he is washing my feet like in John 12 where jesus tells peter that he's already clean and all he needs to wash are his feet. To me, i get this picture of peter's feet...or my feet being dirty and bruised from walking into new places that my feet aren't used to. Jesus is beckoning me to sit down and let Him bandage my wounds and wash my feet. I'm already clean because of Him but He's continuing to teach me and grow me and ultimately take me deeper with Him...it's time to stop resisting and let Jesus wash my feet. He so loves me and desires for me to allow Him to bandage my wounds and use them for His good and His glory. I know He is using all of this for something great! I believe that He is so good and so loves me and I will continue to forget whats behind and press on in the present...I will seek His face.Remember not the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19
He is doing a new thing at this very moment. His mercies are new every morning. I'm so so so thankful for the grace love and comfort that He has shown me throughout this year through all the difficulties and things that i have encountered and seen.
Thank you all to those who have sent me your love through prayers, support, love, hugs, etc. It is extremely appreciated!!!
Please, please continue to pray with me as time continues to tick away and Swaziland is just around the corner!!!!
Thanks for listening to me!
Laura Beth Harbin
P.S
I forgot to mention that all the money has been raised!! Praise God!!!! :)
Friday, May 4, 2012
No Control.
I want to continue being honest here on my blog. There's no reason for me to be fake and pretend that everything is all good when in reality it is not right now. I don't exactly know how to put it into words besides I'm at a loss of control and I almost feel like a train that has been broken and wont stop. You know what i mean...kind of like in spiderman where the train was broken and it wouldn't stop going and it was out of control so spiderman had to stop it??
Okay...so that is what I feel like...an out of control train that won't stop.
Sure, it seems like a good thing not to be in control and I know that it's exactly where God wants me to be. However, that doesn't mean i have to like it ha. It stinks...
Everything seems to just be spinning out of control around me and its so overwhelming. It's all happening at once and so fast. I have 4 school days left of high school, an ap exam to take, more fundraising for africa, college orientation, off to africa in just 49 more days and then to college right after!!!
On top of all of that I'm still dealing with death and preparing to say good bye to some of my friends that maybe i wont be as close to ever again. It's such a scary thing. I wish i spent more time with people my age throughout high school. I was always friends with those older than me and I love them to death...but they've already moved onto new chapters too. So i simply wish i balanced my time and relationships a whole lot better.
See, that's my problem. I'm not living in RIGHT NOW. I'm living in the past years of high school and the future of africa and college. I have missed so much that's going on right now. However, i cant change a thing so i wont dwell on it because dwelling on regrets only puts me in a pity pit and that's not necessairly healthy either. I simply proclaim that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a new day. I proclaim that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and have traveled the road i am suppoosed to travel up to this point thus far. I believe that God will continue to guide and teach me throughout this journey called Life.I so need to just rest in the presence of Jesus and allow Him to revive me and love me through the hard and out of control times that I'm currently experiencing. I desperately need to slow down and allow Him to hold me and calm me. The best place for me to be right now is on my knees kneeling before the throne of Grace.
For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” 2 chronicles 20:12I feel powerless over all the circumstances and changes all around and I don't know exactly how to handle it or what to do with. All i can do is simply gaze into the eyes of Jesus and live in this very moment.
Please pray with me as life is changing so fast. I know it's all for good. I praise God for this valley because I know that it is refining my faith and making me more like Him. I praise God for allowing me to experience death at a young age as it puts things into perspective and allows me to grow that much more. I praise God that He is in control and not me. I trust Him. I look to Him.
Thanks for listening.
Okay...so that is what I feel like...an out of control train that won't stop.
Sure, it seems like a good thing not to be in control and I know that it's exactly where God wants me to be. However, that doesn't mean i have to like it ha. It stinks...
Everything seems to just be spinning out of control around me and its so overwhelming. It's all happening at once and so fast. I have 4 school days left of high school, an ap exam to take, more fundraising for africa, college orientation, off to africa in just 49 more days and then to college right after!!!
On top of all of that I'm still dealing with death and preparing to say good bye to some of my friends that maybe i wont be as close to ever again. It's such a scary thing. I wish i spent more time with people my age throughout high school. I was always friends with those older than me and I love them to death...but they've already moved onto new chapters too. So i simply wish i balanced my time and relationships a whole lot better.
See, that's my problem. I'm not living in RIGHT NOW. I'm living in the past years of high school and the future of africa and college. I have missed so much that's going on right now. However, i cant change a thing so i wont dwell on it because dwelling on regrets only puts me in a pity pit and that's not necessairly healthy either. I simply proclaim that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a new day. I proclaim that i am exactly where i am supposed to be and have traveled the road i am suppoosed to travel up to this point thus far. I believe that God will continue to guide and teach me throughout this journey called Life.I so need to just rest in the presence of Jesus and allow Him to revive me and love me through the hard and out of control times that I'm currently experiencing. I desperately need to slow down and allow Him to hold me and calm me. The best place for me to be right now is on my knees kneeling before the throne of Grace.
For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” 2 chronicles 20:12I feel powerless over all the circumstances and changes all around and I don't know exactly how to handle it or what to do with. All i can do is simply gaze into the eyes of Jesus and live in this very moment.
Please pray with me as life is changing so fast. I know it's all for good. I praise God for this valley because I know that it is refining my faith and making me more like Him. I praise God for allowing me to experience death at a young age as it puts things into perspective and allows me to grow that much more. I praise God that He is in control and not me. I trust Him. I look to Him.
Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Life is moving extra Fast
Life is moving extremely fast right now only 18 days until I graduate and I think it's 52 day's until AFRICA!! Isn't that crazy.
Okay, now i'm going to express some of my hurts and pains with you. This isn't for you to be like "aww poor Laura Beth"...i just really need to express this for my own good.
If you don't know....this school year has been bitter sweet. I've experienced two friends deaths in the past 6 months. That's not something an 18 year old should go through there senior year. These two friends of mine didn't even get to graduate or experience the excitements and events of senior year.
My friend Noelle died in a car accident on October 27, 2011. And Todd died by drowning at a lake just this past Sunday, April 29, 2012.
Noelle I knew from middle and high school and Todd I grew up in church with and played frisbee with every sunday.
I don't know how to express how terrible it feels to look at someone you know lying in a casket lifeless. There's no way to wrap my head around it or how to express it.
More than that...I'm going to a country where death is daily and to no surprise due to AIDS. What's God trying to tell me is all I'm wondering...maybe im thinking too hard? Who knows..two of my friends died so what do i do now? I'm at a loss for words.
My heart hurts and cringes as my mind continues to replay the two different scenes of both Noelle and Todd's deaths...the first phone calls, where i was, what i was doing, how i reacted and the days to follow.
The Lord is near to the broken hearted. My hope is in the Lord as difficult as it is...
I can't help but to curl up in a ball and just weep before God both in anger, confusion, and sorrow. I know with all my heart that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called accroding to His purpose.
JESUS I CRY OUT TO YOU!!! I cry out in my joy and in my pain...Oh how i need Him every hour!! I need Him as i move on to new chapters in life both with graduating high school, going to Swaziland and then to college and wherever else I'm taken to.
I pray for more of Jesus and less of me.
I'm clinging to Jesus with all I am...
Love yall
Laura Beth Harbin
Okay, now i'm going to express some of my hurts and pains with you. This isn't for you to be like "aww poor Laura Beth"...i just really need to express this for my own good.
If you don't know....this school year has been bitter sweet. I've experienced two friends deaths in the past 6 months. That's not something an 18 year old should go through there senior year. These two friends of mine didn't even get to graduate or experience the excitements and events of senior year.
My friend Noelle died in a car accident on October 27, 2011. And Todd died by drowning at a lake just this past Sunday, April 29, 2012.
Noelle I knew from middle and high school and Todd I grew up in church with and played frisbee with every sunday.
I don't know how to express how terrible it feels to look at someone you know lying in a casket lifeless. There's no way to wrap my head around it or how to express it.
More than that...I'm going to a country where death is daily and to no surprise due to AIDS. What's God trying to tell me is all I'm wondering...maybe im thinking too hard? Who knows..two of my friends died so what do i do now? I'm at a loss for words.
My heart hurts and cringes as my mind continues to replay the two different scenes of both Noelle and Todd's deaths...the first phone calls, where i was, what i was doing, how i reacted and the days to follow.
The Lord is near to the broken hearted. My hope is in the Lord as difficult as it is...
I can't help but to curl up in a ball and just weep before God both in anger, confusion, and sorrow. I know with all my heart that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called accroding to His purpose.
JESUS I CRY OUT TO YOU!!! I cry out in my joy and in my pain...Oh how i need Him every hour!! I need Him as i move on to new chapters in life both with graduating high school, going to Swaziland and then to college and wherever else I'm taken to.
I pray for more of Jesus and less of me.
I'm clinging to Jesus with all I am...
Love yall
Laura Beth Harbin
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